


a dead poet is nothing to me

by catzwine



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Clay | Dream is So Whipped (Video Blogging RPF), Hopeless Romantic, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Online Relationship, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tumblr, dream is an over analyzer, dream pops in and george is like oh, e-daters, george is suicidal, tumblr poet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:33:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29904603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catzwine/pseuds/catzwine
Summary: In which George is a suicidal poet on Tumblr and Dream is a hopeless romantic that follows his page.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 54





	1. dear diary

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! This is my like third or fourth DNF fic!! I want to mention content warning if you haven't read the tags: suicide, self-harm, attempted suicide & tumblr. 
> 
> These are SUPER short chapters but I will make sure to update as I go.

georgeneverfound

today  
was the same  
as any other day  
wake up  
drain myself  
sleep  
i don't know  
if i can continue  
this horrid thing  
people call such a beautiful life

4,829 notes


	2. reply

georgeneverfound

i sent a message  
to an empty void  
begging of a forgiveness i could not be given  
crying at an alter  
over humane things  
that were seen as eternal punishment  
why wouldn't you forgive me?  
why didn't you answer.  
why didn't anyone answer?

17,459 notes

dwtaken reposted with a comment: "by far my favorite."


	3. change

georgeneverfound

i cannot change who i love  
no matter how hard i try  
he comes back to me at night  
when i cant sleep  
and when i see birds build nests  
and when i watch people kiss  
to share something so intimate  
would simply be like lava upon rock  
and melt me into nothingness

692 notes


	4. message

dwtaken: hi

dwtaken: big fan of your poetry. do u think u will ever publish any to like

dwtaken: big boy company?

dwtaken: or even like a magazine

dwtaken: or write ur own book

dwtaken: like milk and honey or sometbing

georgeneverfound: i ' m not sure . it makes me nervous to think ab it .

georgeneverfound: i ' m alwo a huge fan of you & your videos .

georgeneverfound: i actually have my own pc . i usually only play like small games . like csgo or mc

dwtaken: i love cs & mc! two of my fav games

dwtaken: we should play. whats ur gt

georgeneverfound: same as my un on here .

georgeneverfound: i ' ve got to go now . i will maybe reach out soon , seeing how i feel has not been good recently .

dwtaken: all good, be safe!

• • •

georgeneverfound

honey in your voice  
in my throat  
in my stomach  
everywhere  
my name on your lips  
wanting to meet yours  
someday

3,298 notes


	5. game

georgeneverfound

my walls built so high  
you took them down brick by brick  
with hello how are you  
every single day  
repetition has always been the death of me  
but you make it okay.

• • •

dwtaken: hi. are u feeling better this week? i was wondering if you wanted to play maybe cs or mc w me and another friend

dwtaken: if u r feeling too drained its okay <3 get some rest and let me know what's up tomorrow (:

georgeneverfound: hi

georgeneverfound: i can play tomorrow , i wanted to take a nap today .

georgeneverfound: btw my insta and snapchat handle are the same as my un on here .

georgeneverfound: i ' m not very active on here all the time . only when i want to off myself .

dwtaken: wait

dwtaken: are you okay now ?

georgeneverfound: well

georgeneverfound: yes , now i am .

dwtaken: i'm adding u and following u now. be safe, take care of yourself.

• • •

George stared at his phone, wondering what the hell he had just admitted to. He held a damp but warm rag over the fresh lines across his forearms. Maybe he just needed a bath. Or a shower. It would burn but it would feel good at the same time.


	6. circle

georgeneverfound

history is a circle  
round  
and  
round  
things happen  
that have happened  
but  
you were new  
diamond in the rough  
a divot in the circle  
something different

97,157 notes

• • •

404dream: hi george

georgeneverfound: hey . i just noticed our usernames are kind of similar , isn 't that funny .

404dream: oh wow, youre right :O

• • •

George stared at the FitBit on his wrist, alerting him that his heart rate had jumped 47 bpm. _Yikes._ He thought. This wasn't normal for someone to have such a weird effect on him.

Now looking at his calendar, the date April 4th being circled. It was only three days away. Maybe 404dream was just some sort of joke account. Someone from high school just fucking around with him.

Nobody questioned why April 4th was circled when they came over. Or why in March, was the April month pulled up. George's final get together with his friends was tonight. He didn't want to burden them anymore.

His phone pinged once more.

• • •

404dream: btw the way, ive been noticing your recent poetry has been a bit off beat. normally you still have that sort of hope when they finish but, it doesn't seem to be there. i might be just over analyzing but i wanted to ask if you were okay.

georgeneverfound: yeah , i ' ve actually been doing a lot better recently . i have been dealing with some friends drama recently but i think it will be okay , dream .

georgeneverfound: thank you for asking .

• • •

Was this some sort of April Fools joke from George to Dream? He wasn't the stupid kind. He knew when he was right and he knew something was wrong with George. Dream just didn't know how to get it out of him.

Considering the more positivity from his message, he is going to do something soon. He knows it's time to go.

But it isn't. It is never time to go. Not early. Life takes its own course. Don't speed up her work, it throws everything out of line.

• • •

404dream: well i hope everything gets resolved. it's no problem, you've always been one of my favorites because of how real you view life.

georgeneverfound: i would say i get that a lot but i don 't . i receive my notes for the night and go to bed . stuff happens ig , tumblr is different than any other social media . i 'd probably get clowned on twitter if i tried to post poetry there .

georgeneverfound: i can be myself .

404dream: thats the good part. i like yourself.

• • •

What was _that_ supposed to mean? Was he trying to flirt with George? He stared at the message, trying to formulate a smart but witty reply to not give Dream what he seemed to be wanting. It wouldn't last. Dream seemed like the type to try you on for a size and toss you when you don't fit anymore.

_yeah . i don 't ._

_why not?_

_i 'm not who you think i am , that 's all ._

George couldn't brush Dream off, it was like Dream was a leach.

Sometimes though, leaches remove bad things from inside of you.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter will include depictions of attempted suicide. you do not have to read this chapter to stay updated. after the messages between george & dream, it will cut off and you do not have to read any further.  
> be safe, drink some water & rest if you need to.

georgeneverfound

water  
rushing over my face  
in my nose  
in my mouth  
the burn  
the sting  
the pain  
was familiar  
something i could turn to  
when nothing was the same

1,005,285 notes

• • •

404dream: hey

404dream: are you okay?

404dream: ive been thinking about you recently

• • •

georgeneverfound

hi everyone ! i first wanted to say thank you all so much for one million NOTES on my last poem . it was something i don 't wish people related to , but it shows others that they are not alone in this fight . unfortunately , with this being said , i will be going on hiatus for a while . i need to get my head on straight , i will try to be back soon . thank you  
gnf

• • •

404dream: hello?

404dream: usually you're online by now, are you okay?

georgeneverfound: hey , yea i 'm okay .

404dream: no youre not i can tell

404dream: dont do anything stupid george.

 _George._ This guy had never used George's name in a sentence. It was something difficult to understand why it was thrown in there. Ever since he started messaging him, all the negative hate comments or messages seemed to blur from eye view.

ow69256: kill yourself

rugunderthedrug: your poems are absolutely dog shit you fucking gaylord

ofagtosser: please do us all a favor and get your fucking body off this planet. nobody wants you and nobody ever will.

——

George couldn't take it anymore though. Some would say just one message would save a life but, not tonight. It was George's day. April 4th.

April 4th.

404.

George stood up, walking down the quiet hall of his house. He knew where his mother had hid the gun previously from his younger sister. He made gentle steps down his stairs to their garage-like basement.

George hadn't eaten since April started. His stomach had stopped growling, as if it already knew it would no longer need food anymore.

Grabbing the key from his left pocket, he typed in the passcode to the safe 1119. He grabbed a smaller metal box out of the safe and inserted the key, twisting and pulling the door open.

It was small, but small enough to do huge damage. George's hands had began to shake slightly as he grabbed the gun with his left hand and set the box back down.

Aiming right under his jaw pointing up, he pulled the trigger.

The sound rung through the house, immediately startling his younger sister and mother.

George was rushed to the hospital 12 minutes later.


	8. light

404dream: hey, you haven't replied or been online in a week. i know you took a hiatus from tumblr but you didnt say anything about social media or even your phone?

404dream: please get back to me soon. ive tried calling

404dream: im so worried about you

• • •

_Fuck._

George had been in hospice for a week now. He couldn't do much. If he wouldn't have been so nervous, maybe he wouldn't be sitting in a hospital bed with a raging headache.

They had to keep the lights off in his room because the brightness was too high for him. His mother visited him often with his sister to check on him but he often didn't want to see them.

His mother had his phone at the time and refused to charge it or let alone go through it. She was hurting too much to know why he would do such a thing.

• • •

404dream: hey

404dream: its like three in the morning here

404dream: i just wish you were here right now, im sick to my stomach worried that something bad happened.

• • •

Dream stared at the message George had last sent him. He didn't want to be filled with anger but he felt like maybe if he tried he could have done something. Anything to stop him from doing what he believed had been done.

_It's not fair._

• • •

georgeneverfound: hi

georgeneverfound: im sur its late there but, im in howpice but illcbe okay dontbworry

georgeneverfound: im nto dead yet

404dream: fuck

404dream: what happened george

404dream: are you okay

georgeneverfound: not right now but i will be eventually

georgeneverfound: inshot myself but i pmissed

georgeneverfound: i broek my nose and like whatever the roof of your louth and the bottom ohviously

georgeneverfound: its okvnow

404dream: oh m ygod

404dream: george

404dream: don't do anything stupid like that ever again are you serious

georgeneverfound: its allvokay now


	9. warmth

Summer was a few weeks away and Dream was dealing with sweltering heat. Florida had faced a huge warm front with what feel like hundreds of non stop thunderstorms.

• • •

404dream: hey, have you heard back from your therapist yet?

georgeneverfound: nope , not yet anyways . i have to see a psychiatrist too so they can prescribe me shit i think or maybe they are gonna see how i am doing

404dream: right, but youre doing better. at least you seem better.

georgeneverfound: yes , i am . thank you

404dream: always. btw, we never really got to play much minecraft before you had to go to the hospital, maybe we can play tonight?

georgeneverfound: sure ! are you wanting me to edit another one of your videos tonight as well ? it 's a little late here but i can stay up a little later until my meds kick in

404dream: well i dont wanna overwhelm you.

georgeneverfound: never , not with you

• • •

Dream's heart practically jumped out of his chest.

_not with me? what does that mean?_

_oh , nothing ._

Ah, ping right through the heart there bud. Dream still couldn't ignore that his apple watch stated his heart rate had jumped to 105 bpm.

_Well._

Could you blame him? Dream had never even seen George's face before, how was he letting pixel's on a screen make his heart beat faster than normal.

• • •

georgeneverfound: my mom doesn 't come in my room though anymore . i don 't know exactly why unless she 's scared to face me .

georgeneverfound: i look busted . i have huge ass scars all over my face and my nose has barely healed from the nose job they had to do .

georgeneverfound: what kind of boy do you know has had a nose job before ?

404dream: one with enough guts to follow through with every plan, no matter how absurd

georgeneverfound: you mean one that failed to follow through with the one plan he needed to ?

404dream: you dont need to. you wont ever need to. as long as i am standing on this earth and breathing, i will make it my job that you never need to or want to, ever again.

georgeneverfound: well damn , you should be fired .

404dream: huh!!!

georgeneverfound: i am messing with you dumbass .

• • •

Why? Why did he care so much about George? He only followed him on tumblr. They were mutuals for a few months before they ever spoke or reposted something from the other.

Dream's tumblr was a mess to say the least. There were a few cat videos, photography of mountain tops or jungles, Minecraft builds or poetry. Poetry was on the rare side from the rest of it. There were also plenty of inbox messages he would reply to.

All together, it was an organized mess and by organized he meant not organized at all.

George's forearm laid on his forehead as he stared at his ceiling. The sun had finally set after such a brutal day of sitting inside.

There were a few kids outside of his window that would often accidentally hit the side of their house, specifically right where George's bed lay.

He chose to ignore it during the day and rest when he could through the night. His medication made him exhausted from time to time.

• • •

georgeneverfound: hi are we getting on tonight ? if not i am about to take my meds

404dream: take your meds, we can play tomorrow (:

georgeneverfound: are you sure ?

404dream: positive.


	10. vision

Dream laughed out at the comment George had made about his poorly structured house.

"I can't help it! I'm not the building type, George." He replied after catching his breath, removing the roof he had just attempted to build.

The two were currently playing in creative mode, mostly because George had gotten the game a few months prior and almost never played.

 _Your skin looks so dumb, Dream._ George spoke through Dream's headset.

"Then you make one!"

_You wouldn't like it! Don't ever argue with me, boy._

Dream huffed out in defeat. "Alright," a hand ran through his hair as he typed into the in-game chat box. George had managed to fly up into the clouds, wanting to watch the sunset in-game.

_Alright what?_

Dream changed George's game setting to survival, watching him fall from sky limit down.

george404 fell from a high place.

_What the hell?!_

Laughter abrupt from the two, Dream struggling to even apologize.

"Okay, Okay, I'm sorry, George." A smile had burned itself onto Dream's face. He was finally getting what he wanted.

Someone, anyone who could be there for him.

• • •

_"Oh, you're not exactly my type."_

Dream stood still. He had just gotten rejected by the only girl he seemed to like in middle school. What is that even supposed to mean? What are types? Was she his type?

He wasn't sure, but the embarrassment building in his chest heated his cheeks a couple degrees. He walked off without saying anything else, feeling his friend's hand on his back.

"Hey, it's okay dude. You'll getter next time."

Dream looked his friend in the eye before pulling his shoulder away from him.

"Don't touch me. There wont be another time. I just ruined one of my best friendships because I don't know how to control my stupid fucking emotions."

With that, he headed towards the bathroom and took the last stall. After locking the door, he sat on the toilet and stared at the floor, feeling the glossy seal on his eyes finally break.

"Why? Why doesn't anybody want me?"

Holding back sobs always looked easier in movies, why is it so hard now?

• • •

_Dream? Are you there?_

Dream snapped back to reality, staring at George's skin on his screen.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, I kind of zoned out"

_I noticed. Are you okay now?_

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking." Dream gripped his pant leg, wincing as his nails scraped through the fabric. He wasn't fine. He was more than fine.

• • •

George stared at the bottle of his new prescription.

_150mg?_

George didn't like that number. Maybe it would benefit him in the long run? Who knows.

_sertraline side effects_   
_results in (0.004s)_

This didn't look too promising but any other antidepressant would be the same.

His phone pinged and after taking a look, it had been a notification from Dream.

404dream: good morning!!! im about to go to bed now so ill talk to you when i can (:

George smiled, replying with a goodnight message.

_goodnight , i 'll talk to you when you get up . sweet dreams ;)_

Why did he smile at his message? George wasn't exactly gay, or at least he had never thought about it like that. He didn't ever want to romantically involve himself with a guy though.

Who knows what the future could hold, George was more scared of others, so he didn't really ever want to be with another guy out of fear.

He couldn't let fear control him forever though. Underlying feelings eventually get too big to hide, peeking through every hole they find.

Subconsciously thinking about Dream started to show through dreams George would have. Whether they were innocent or not so innocent.

Dream was in his mind for good.


End file.
